Had CCA today, gahhh it was terrible. THE rifle drill. begining was okay until the put down of arms part. seriously, i am having cramps in my thighs when i do that. OUCH. It was really a TERRIBLE morning. I totally dreaded the thought of coming to school, especially with the fact of uniform UN-PREPARED, and i am running late. reached home at 11 the night before and was like FREAKING pissed off cause i wanted to sleep.. (random sequence of things happening) then had CCA. i broke my record, changed within 5 mins WOW. i was cursing through the first part of act cause i am still feeling grumpy about being dragged out of bed to go for CCA. then yeah the drill part...

--

CLASS GATHERING:D

woots! i was fussing about what to wear as there was no dress code. LOL. then met peiqin and the rest of peeps. WEILIANG and SONGKEN (organisers) were late. gahhhh. weather so hot still dare late LOL. We had a stoning session with THE AUNTIE there keeping a close watch at US. JOKE. then there was this movie screening LOL. SPARTANS.. played truth or dare and so on... LUCKY DRAW. won 1st prize.. so funny:/ then phototaking joke la. WAS SUANED throughout the whole thing and scandal scandal (peiqin and kangjie ar..) XD

6RUBYo6 ROCKS! xD update more about it some time later. abit sian now dont feel like updating..

What is happening? Life's screwed? The passive instincts in me is overwhelming. i have no idea why. Perhaps i need that little help? What help can anyone offer me? JOKE. life's a joke. INDULGING myself in audition, trying to numb myself from the world. trying to waste off any ounce of energy i have in me to not think about it. oh gosh. wasting time away, wasting my life away. Pardon me for my ignorance for how wonderful and MEANINGFUL life is.

人生短短几十年，还是快点懂得珍惜这两个字吧。

今天天气很晴朗，阳光普照，本小姐今天心情很好。我想我不会再这么说了吧。我心里的天气不普照，阳光也不明媚，或许我懂得了珍惜。珍惜，珍惜我生命的每一分每一秒，珍惜我生命里的每一个人，珍惜我生命中的每一个机会。我算是在跟时间赛跑，不只是我，人人都是。因为珍惜才有可惜的存在，因为可惜才有遗憾的存在。因为有着遗憾，我不开心。

就在物理考试后，松了也叹了一口气。

松气是因为我完成了那份卷子，叹气因为我自己不够努力。人嘛，就是这么的贪心，努力往往是不够的，尽全力也不够，只有考到了好成绩，他人才会看到你的努力。或许是因为这样，我不努力，原因就因为我害怕。我害怕努力后还是不能得到好成绩，我害怕那种因为成绩而证实了自己的智商不如他人的肯定，我害怕知道那残酷的事实。因此我选择了不尽力，我选择了让自己一直活在因为我没尽力所以考不好的谎言里，简单的说，我选择欺骗自己。我承认了，我胆小。

过后，与朋友乘搭巴士的途中，看见了一个蓝色的建筑物，啊，那一刹那间的感觉既熟悉，既陌生。那是一种。。。怀念的感觉。如今已中三了，离开小学也有大概两年半了，回头想想，那些无忧无虑的笑声与单纯自在的脸孔似乎都已从我们的生活字典里消失了。现在得到的快乐，是从考试成绩中得到的满足感，是因为自己被老师夸奖了一下。因为这一切的社会竞争，人们早就忘了什么是缓一缓脚步，看看周围的各种事与物。

到了这里，我又有感触了。

我好怀念过去，真的。那高高兴兴上学，快快乐乐回家，专专心心读书的我早已从人间蒸发了。 我中一中二时，曾经放弃过一次，使我浪费了中学两年的学习生涯。到了中三，或许是懂事了，或许是醒悟了，终于想要认真地上课，但心有余而力不足。不小心的，会在课堂上打瞌睡，不小心的就会在课上放空。过后自己就会开始责怪为什么不好好听课。回到家也一样，想要好好完成作业，但又不会做，不争气的脑袋就是不肯给出一个答案。有时真想把一切烦恼抛在一旁，与朋友尽情享受但我做不到，我们都做不到。从小就被教会的一个生存论理：想在新加坡过好日子，想在新加坡生存，就要会读书，就要考到好成绩。残酷的事实就是如此，想要不被社会排斥在外，想继续生存，对每个学生（于他们的父母）而言，一定得考到好成绩，对工作人士而言，自己一定要不断进修，升级就是他们工作的目标。

你好狠。你让不知多少人带着遗憾而离去，你让不知多少人痛苦了一辈子，你让每一个人都变得不知足，你抹去了人类应有的高尚品德，你让人类学会了不择手段。现代的社会，你太残忍了，你让所有人失去了快乐无忧的权利，你夺走了每个人自然微笑的脸孔，让他们挂上了紧绷的神情。

暂时放下一切烦恼和重任轻松的笑一下吧，一下就好。

What else could be done? This typical lifestyle is not bringing us anywhere. I could not see it, i could not see the bright future i was promised after my hardwork. Competitive world aint it? Everyone is striving for the best. What is the world becoming?

为了生存。是千千万万个让人干坏事的理由。

好一个为了生存，它让我面对了世上的真真假假，它让我醒悟，它让我尝尽了世上的酸甜苦辣，它让看到这盲于追求荣华富贵的现代社会。

有时候，我真的很想放弃，什么也不管，什么也不顾。但我也需要生存因此我不能这么做，我做不到。