woots today went out with 大笨蛋.
TO REVISE~!
haha i becoming 乖-er and 乖-er.
woots then went to je macs.
do some work.
then 大笨蛋 wan lend me 大笨蛋's chemistry notes.
LOLS.
okay then we went back to westmall.
then 大笨蛋 brought notes,
we went voiddeck.
STUDY>.<
i told 大笨蛋about a-piao.
then we kajiao say got a-piao.
ROFL. funny eh.
suddenly crush on a-piao liao~!
taught 大笨蛋 cube.
VOMIT BLOOD.
then bought 大笨蛋 a present.
RUBIKS CUBE.
大笨蛋 never say thank you wor.
eeyer...
okay lar thats all.
大笨蛋 is damn lame~!

HAPPY TEACHERS'S DAY~!

haha today went to school then had party.
THANKS to those who brought LAYS SOUR CREAM.
ILY.
then went back keming.
the trip back was terrible.
i boarded the bus with handful of BALLOOONS
PEOPLE stared at me like i am a freak.
*sobss*
managed to get back school before closing of visiting hours~!
then went to westmall.
ate PASTA MANIA.
watched WALL.E with qiuluan, lai teng, weishuang, jiaying, jeremy and zihao~!
then laiteng gobne CRAZYYY/:
*ooooops*
she started pulling off our rubber bands.
then we took some random photos~!
haha i started it.
then we went to interchange.
continued our spasticity.
we went lai teng's hse
talked about A-PIAO~!
play cards and game.
taught jiaying and laiteng to play REWUJIE.
lalalalala.
then went tuition.
din go home until 11 .
played audi after bathing.
zzz . damn tired liao lor.
tts all~!!

all this PMS i am having..
i had enough
CTs finally over.
got back results *toot*
some of it NOT ALL>.<

i am really trying liao.
look at my pathetic grades.
FAILED physics. JUST PASSED geog.
maybe i should be happy??
going to be kicked out soonT.T
whatever, thats doing people who hated me a FAVOUR.
two results were released and both i was LAST in class
*toot*
jane told me: "you dun look like the type who would be upset because of results"
i never thought i would too.
its the first time.
i felt i wasted my 2 years in the school.
whats the point?
i din seem to have learnt anything.
there must be something wrong.
with my FREAKING RETARDED brain??
or do i NOT have one??
sinking into depression.
all this bullshit is killing me.
who knows perhaps i might just get into IMH in few MONTHS.
or perhaps i would never have lived to see the next rainbow??
its driving me crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

i hate this sort of life.
i have had enough.
why cant they just leave me alone.
all this suay-ness.
all this rough patches.
imagine me dead.
the earth will still be round.
my friends would still be BFFs.
my school will still stand.
nothing would change.
NOTHING.

Is that how insignificant i am?
its a rhetorical question.
yes it is.

sometimes i just tell myself.
hey girl u have seen how unimportant u are.
all this abnormal behaviours and spastic attitude of yours,
its nothing,
nobody and nobody cares,
nobody and nobody is bothered by it.


imgoingcrazy

TUEDAYS are happy days.
today had np act..
looking forward to it and THEN.
FULL SQUAD ATTENDENCE!!
*applauses*
then we had a theory test on camp craft.
then had practical. making of a gadget.
we were having loads of fun.
until. during the critising part.

"If NP is gonna continue this way,
with only scoldings, no laughter, no fun,no bonding,
i'm sure everyone's gonna lose their passion for RVNP.
yes, we have squadmates.
but what is it that brings us together?
our burning passion for RVNP.
with that flame going out,
how are we gonna stick together?"
---quoted----

maybe after this i am getting into alot of trouble but.
its true. not only my own opinion.
our squad “吃软不吃硬”
thats what our squad is.
we dont need praises.
i agree we might not have that standard demanded from us.
what is the exact thing we need then?
encouragement thats what we need.
perhaps we should just do with what we have.
thats the spirit but isit really the best way out?
whatever it is. we have nothing against our NCOs.
just the way we feel is the best way for us.

awwww. i hate that.
i lost my wallet DAMN IT.
my savings GONE GONE GONE>.<
a lesson learnt.
its my fault anyway.
i am careless.
WTH.
hmmmm. this week test test test.
BEST PART: left one more paper ~!
WOOTS~! CHEERS^^
i PASSED geog.
haha~! damn freaking happy can?
HOPE WE ALL CAN PASS WITH FLYING COLOURS~!

i love the act ~! OMIGOSH all those shoutings ROCKS.
actually b4 act i dreaded it. low attendance. few people come):
damn scared NCOs scold cause we did not do what we promised.
GETTING XINGJIE TO ACT>.<

WE SANG THE BIRTHDAY SONG FOR JINGYI 3 TIMES!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY COORDI~!

i read wenting's letter.
that reminds me of the squad.

there are times, we made our NCOs angry,
there are times, they are disappointed,
there are times, we failed to bond,
there are times, when we feel like giving up.

maybe its just me or something.
i feel lost.
in the midst of nowhere.
in the midst of joy and laughter.
there is something missing.
we lack something.
it wasnt the fun,
it wasnt the scoldings,
it wasnt the laughters,
it wasnt the squabbles.

are we separating from each other?

i have no idea what or why i am thinking of things that way.
perhaps thats why wenting and some other squadmates are trying hard to save the squad.
FALLING APART?
nobody wanted that but what more can i do?
i feel like something extra in the squad.
just for the name of it.
nothing i could do.
perhaps because of the individuals,
we are breaking apart.
whatever for?
it pains me to see our poor squadmates trying so hard to piece the squad.
its pains me more to see our beloved squadmates not putting in the effort.
its not a blame. its just a regret.

our life in np.
its a victory or a defeat,
its a loss or a gain.
it all depends.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

jiayous squadmates~!

sure that almost everyone is mugging now yea?
z. so important...
anyway i read wenting's email.
and just in case some people couldnt read emails.
*AHEM*
i put it in this post.
all written by wenting:

hi sqdmates. (:this is a special email written for you guys. time flies since we first joined npcc as a cca when we were still in year one.although we're now only in year 2, after yesterday's ROD, we're officially sec 3 squad now.sec 3, the most senior cadet squad.it comes along with much more responsibility, pressure, and maybe some authority?that meant that we needed to have more discipline, put in more hardwork and most importantly, be more bonded.although guys may not want to hear much about squad bonding and stuff, but i think it's still worth telling you guys the importance of bonding.i know you guys may find me naggy and stuff, i still think that its impt you guys understand it now than realise it at the end of our last yr of cadet life, when we're gonna be ncos, or even at the end of our nco-ship.that would meant a total failure, failing as an np cadet, failing as an RVNP cadet.so yea. firstly, wanna say a big THANKYOU to EVERYBODY who went for ROD yesterday, and of course, for all e practice sessions, preparations, etc. it was really nice to see more ppl coming to help out and that really worked as i think our performance and stuff was much better than last year. special thanks to guys like KUANYUAN, JOVI, who never failed to motivate, encourage and somehow 'knock some sense' into the other guys. im not trying to say that the other guys aint good but they're the ones that really showed much enthusiasm. of course, not forgetting LINHAN, MATTHEW, KENNETH, HANCONG who actually put in an effort to learn e dance although i know you guys didnt really like it. im sorry that we cant choreograph e dance such that everybody loves it, but i really hope that the next time we need to put on a performance, the guys could help out in e choreographing too, so that at least there will be much more comments that we can hear and edit e dance steps.next, i dont know if i should mention this but, i dont really understand why some of the guys just dislike or even hate np/our squad. i mean, isnt there even a little teeny weeny bit abt this cca that you like? it may be squadmates, it may be drills, it may be pt, it may be lessons, it may even be our NCOs, our CIs, our TOs, or even simply being an NPCC cadet. i know you most of you guys didnt include NPCC as your choices in e cca selection back then but still, there's no choice, you cant quit, you cant do anything about it. even if you PON, sooner or later, there'll be trouble coming your way. im not trying to be a philosopher or anything but, life is never perfect, it is not going to turn out perfectly the way you want it to be and it never will. so yea, as sir eric says, "you can either put in all your effort in these years in np and ROD proudly cuz you've done your part or just slack thru these days and ROD w/o learning anything from this cca." (i know it isnt the PERFECT QUOTE but oh well...) yea. so will you put in more effort to know us, your fellow squadmates, to appreciate the NCOs, CIs, TOs and their everlasting effort, and to bring colours to your own life by engaging yourself in your NP-life, and most importantly, create everlasting memories with not only us, your squadmates but also with the NCOs, CIs, TOs and even NPCC itself.somehow i believe deep inside everyone of us, we got the teeny weeny bit of feeling for NP and our squadmates. that is also the reason that keeps most of our squadmates going all these times. i believe that its just because you guys havent realise that feeling deep inside you, that's why there's a lack of passion in you. i also believe that as long as you put in an effort, you will find that effort, because i believe squadmates are a bunch of people who will never be the same as your classmates or your closest friends.so now,as an official sec3 squad, it's time we pull up our socks(literally!) and work our way to be a bonded and wonderful squad that all our I/Cs will be proud of. i know we can do it. that's because what it takes is what we've got. (:so, jiayou squadmates. BANGBANG ALL THE WAY~~~

I may not be a perfect squadmate so don’t ever hesitate to tell me anything I’ve done wrong or I’ve said wrongly. Cuz I believe squadmates help each other to improve(:

im sorry for being naggy, and im sorry if you think I’ve just wasted your time by reading such a long and useless email. But still, I think it’s worth it because you are my squadmate and will always be.

my comments. PEOPLE JIAYOUS.
we shant diappoint wenting as well as our sirs mams and NCOs.
JIAYOUS JIAYOUS JIAYOUS.
i love BANGBANG~!

hello. my blog is like quite dead?
omgomgomgomg. no ones tagging.
nothing to tag about.
nowadays feeling very depressed.
by the workload.
block tests..
make up lessosn..
missing all sorts of lessons due to CCA.
shooting wasnt that bad though,
14 out of 16 bullets hit the paper.
real bullets.
okay now everyone jiayous for BLOCK TESTS.
jiayous together^^
roflmao. i wont be blogging until after BLOCK TESTS((:

lalala. today went tuition.
DOTS. then went to watch movie with tai kee and ee lin.
DAMN TOUCHIING CAN?
i am like crying during the movie.
MONEY NOT ENOUGH2
its a really nice movie.
though alot hokkien but still its NICE.
its not only about money money money..
its about kinship and family.
i believe it teared many people.
okay i shant like do a MOVIE REVIEW about it.
but its nice.
NICE NICE NICE.
thats all. hmmm short post.