Saturday, September 20, 2008
idunnowhatshappening
a cruel reflection of realityit felt just like me being deceived. Having suspicions on peoples' intentions and so on. I have been worrying too much lately. I have been reflecting all this time.
i have been living life like a FOOL> i worry about the slightest things and i have been on these freaking thoughts since the beginning of june. WHATS WRONG WITH ME? i felt like dying alrd and i felt worse about the backstabbing in MY LIFE. Its too complicated and i dint wanna think about it. but i cant help it. I have no idea but seriously it felt like i am living life worse then hell. TORTURED by these thoughts were bad enough and i had this weird feeling of beng alone. all alone. i am afraid of the dark but there is no beam of light. the smile is no longer real anymore. it is no longer there. at this very min i am writing this, its with every bit of disappointment i have towards myself. Suicidal thoughts were often present. But i dun have the courage. at least i still feel a need to return all that was given to me. at least i still think that there are people around me that cared for me. thats what i think but i dun feel it. i have became more insensitive or did i give up already? its just 13 years of my life. not even 14. isnt it a pity to give up now? Shouldnt i just grasp on to the last ray of hope and carry on with my journey in the dark house? confused. puzzled. by what is happening to me. by all the things around me. &iwastedmylifeaway
