The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to
seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will
believe it.

"Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why -- Eddie Cantor (1892-1964) "

最近不知怎么了，心情一直都不是很好。。不知道这一切是不是因为。。怎么办，我也不想这样但，我真的好想放下一切然后重新再来，重新开始一个崭新的人生。对学习，我只有两个字能形容我对这词的感觉：讨厌。对生活所发生在我身上的琐碎事物，我也只有两个字可形容：失望。怎么办，有时真的很想对自己说算了，再怎么努力或许也没有用，我真的很尽力了，至少我尝试了努力，得到的不但不是鼓励而是老师严厉的斥责说自己根本没有努力。老师谢谢你。你让我感觉好像是全世界的人都看不起我，感觉好像是自己在世上只是多一个与地球人争氧气的废物。好希望这种感觉能够消失，好希望能把这些悲观的想法抛到脑后。我从来都没有质疑自己的能力，但成绩显示我错了。我对自己 intellect 的肯定是错的，我根本都没有那种读书的天分。怎么办？难道我现在只能天天求神拜佛，希望神仙们能对我网开一面，赏赐一些智慧给我？

心情极端的起伏，希望他不是主要的原因。因为我觉得他不值得。

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BELOVED G-DRAGON!! SO HOT!

Labels: g-dragon

For these years in rvnpBANGBANGSQUAD♥ i felt that i learnt alot. Be it the hard skills or the soft skills, a big thank you to all who have taught me, my SQUADMATES and my NCOS.

Change, something unavoidable, and a continuos cycle. Everyone experience that regardless of who you are and where you belong too. Change in attitude, change in behaviour, even the most inevitable part of life, growing up is a change.

Squadmates changed me. A healthy dose of encouragement from you all is probably the reason that kept me going. I remembered myself wanting to give up, i remembered myself losing the passion in NPCC. I used to hate NPCC, I used to dread going to acts, i used to think that going fot CCA is an absolute waste of time. So, i understood. I understood how it felt like to be doing something that i dislike that much.

There is one thing that cannot be changed -- history. Time will never rewind back to the times where we were still sec ones, time will never go back to the times where we still had a choice. No we don't. The chance to start all over again is never there, things will never be the way, it used to be. From sec1s, to sec2s and the fast-paced sec3life and to us being the current NCOs. Be it we are prepared or not, i feel that that is something WE have to face, something we cannot run away from. I have to admit that we are not well-prepared for all these, at least i feel that I am not.

First act in NP as a NCO, after ROD. I felt a sudden gush of happiness in me as i stepped into the NPCC room. It is the very first time i stepped into the NPCC room without having to ask for permission. M'ams were there to guide us along. I realised from that, it is not easy being an NCO. Having tip-top conditions for the attire, the preparation for lessons before teaching the cadets, planning of acts with the welfare and benefits that act will bring to the cadets in mind. All these were not easy, even just as a committee member and a sec1 DI who have not taken any squad, its hard. Sorry to all of my past NCOs when i took all of these, your planned lessons and acts you took us, for granted. I when to see my squadmates take the sec2s and sec3s. Grown-up Cadet, now as a cadet leader, squadmates you people really had the aura and the sense of "WOW" within all for you. I aim and strive to be like you people, who are able to carry out your duties as NCOS in charge of the squad. I heard the Sec1o9 squad's ROD speech for their NCOs, i told myself i want to be like our NCOs, to be able to turn the dislike towards NPCC in the new cadets,who had just joined the RVNP family, into the drive and passion for NPCC. For this, i feared. I am afraid i will not be able to take the squad, i am afraid that i will ruin all the image of NPCC and cause my cadets to hate NPCC. I am afraid that i will not be able to build a strong foundation in my cadets and causing the next batch of NCOs to suffer for what i have done. My squadmates asked me why, i wanted to give up, something that i have chosen for myself, a sec1 squad DI. I got what i wanted, why do i want to give it all up now? They talked me out of it at least, they gave me a feeling that they believe i can do it. thanks, it is appreciated and i really hope all will go well for you people as well! JIAYOUS all squadmates and together, we shall put RV NPCC onto greater heights!

"The path to our destination is not always a straight one. We go down the wrong road, we get lost, we turn back. Maybe it doesn't matter which road we embark on. Maybe what matters is that we embark."
--Barbara Hall, Northern Exposure, Rosebud, 1993

Throughout this year and the next half of year in 2010, there is still a chance to improve, there is still chance to be with squadmates, there is still one last chance.

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY to all! I LOVE SINGAPORE:D
Went for the DUNKIT CIP today and it was FUNNN! Even though we were quite screwed in the beginning :/ blame it on the terribly COLDDDD weather. Almost cold enough to melt me.. this is how the story goes: We went around and around to find 2 mentors supposed under fullerton road but they were chased out of it so we couldnt find them then went to the supposedly wrong station and did the quiz halfway ONLY TO BE TOLD that we are in the wrong station. OMG la under that sweltering heat>.<>

After finishing the thing went to padang. I literally STONED and i am serious. no one wanna talk to me -hmphs- when squadmates came it wasnt that bad liao BUT i started being nervous about seeing MATTHEW MARCH! We were so damn worried that it wouldnt be possible to watch him and that the debrief will not end that fast. How important that glance of the parade is to us. After debrief we all chionged to see. Jovi and Hancong managed to find that ideal spot for all of us to stand:D before that i was still worrying about not being able to get a spot. for that, I LOVE YOU JOVI:D We really saw matthew! RV's formation sign is so damn obvious lo RED. We shouted RVNP MATTHEW CHAN:D i think alot of peeps are like wondering what crazy people we are but, aiya dont care la bangbang squad LOVE MATTHEW:D! he heard us and we know it from his reply to ongmin -ahems- We literally chased after his contingent to find another spot to take a pic of him but to no avail. haiya nevermind i think we had FUN chasing after the contingent like mad women.

After the parade, we went back to padang for the FIREWORKS. they were freaking chio can? i took a video of it:D and that includes our screams and cheers upon the fireworks and JOVI's purposely made enough-to-kill-my-ears scream. Had the pledge moment at 8.22pm i think its damn cool la. We should make it a tradition like maybe a weekly thing LOL!

After fireworks decided to leave. It is damn hard to leave that place seriously. So crowded lo. It is like you dont even need to walk de lo cause the crowd behind literally push you and you will automatically move in front de. i hate crowds we took like half an hour? then wanted to go through to esplanade but the road's blocked. haish then went FUNAN. i love the aircon:D bought drinks from subway. My concoction: Ice lemon tea, F&N grape and Sprite! Its nice but i couldnt finish it. Also, we had fun with the VENDING MACHINE which refuses to let people buy coke light HAHA.

Me and oonhim then bused home while the others trained. damn tired lo, reached home at 11 plus.. lastly, I LOVE SINGAPORE! HAHA.

blogger's screwed so i will still use livejournal:D http://bluurqueen.livejournal.com